Good bye 2014

Today is the last day of 2014.  As I sit here and reflect there have been so many things that have happened good and bad. So many lessons I have learned.  I know in order for growth to occur I have to be open to learning and doing more than I ever have.  

I have learned to say NO.  I used to want to make everyone happy.  However, I was not happy myself. Saying no is very liberating.

I have learned that my opinion is just that MINE.  Not everyone has to agree.  I do not have to agree with everyone.  Nor do I need to share that opinion with everyone.

I have taken writing back to heart. I can de-stress just by writing about an experience or decision.

I have taken myself out of situations that are toxic.  All except one.  I am working on that situation.

I have learned that I am an image. In order for my business to be successful I have to look the part no matter if I am working or not.

I have learned who cares for and about me.  You will never have to wonder about who are your real friends.

I have learned to let my children live their own lives.  I watched so many years as my ex and his mother tried to control every aspect of our lives.  I do not want to do this to my kids. I was told at the beginning of December that I might be a grandmother and the thought was comforting.  I always said I was not ready.  But it is not my decision it is the decision of my son and daughter in law.   I have to let go and let them live.  It is not as hard as I thought.  I am anxious to find out the results however.

I have learned that although I have an illness, I am not the illness.  I can overcome it all with the power of positive thinking and movement.   The most important thing I was told several years ago was to keep moving and that could get me over the pain.  I did not believe it then but I do now.

I have learned not to be upset by others opinions of me.

I have learned that part of receiving is giving.  Giving without expectation of any type of reward.  It is easier then it seems and becomes something you no longer think about.  I think my upbringing and the esthetics profession have brought me a long way in this concept.

I have learned to complain less.  I does nothing for you.

I have learned to speak positives about others.  Joel Osteen preached about this and it is true.  Holding someone in high regard is much more important than holding yourself up.  Passing blessings on is a critical point in life.

I have learned that speaking, acting or reacting negatively only produces negative results.

I have learned that something good happens every day.  You may have to look for it sometimes.

I learned that praying is key.  Not for my wants and desires but for others. Praying for others has become something I do several times a day. Yes, I still pray for myself it is just not for material things.  I pray for protection, guidance, strength and understanding.

One of the most important things I have re-learned is to go and do.  I used to always make excuses why I could not succeed.   I was too busy, tired, scared and a host of other excuses. I have driven more places and done more this year than I have in a long time.  I have had many first.  First trip to the state fair, first time seeing orchestra, first time at miller theater and I have driven to Dallas 7 times this year for various reasons.  I am actually living my life.  I have read not just for fun but self discovery. I have learned to make gifts instead of buying them.

Over the past four years my life has centered around goals.  My new goals are to finish my certification as an esthetic instructor, work on finishing my bachelors, become healthy, grow my business so I can leave massage envy being self employed and enjoy this great world of ours.  I want to travel to somewhere different every few months.  Of course Vegas and New York but I also want to see the east and west coastlines as well as historic points.

Where am I now? The 30 days have come and gone.

I began this experiment back in August and at the beginning thought it would not make much difference. I was so wrong.  I am enjoying life so much more.

Last year this time my mother was very ill and in the hospital.  I fought with several members of the family.  I was a mess at work because they wanted more from me. I had just taken my finals and was trying to catch my breath.  I also had taken a very big leap of faith and opened my business.  Something was missing.  I was angry.  I was emotional.  I was really a wreck.

I was trying so hard to make my goals and dreams come to fruition.  Pushing and pushing with everything I had.  I was not sleeping.  I was not eating right.  I wasn't doing enough for my business. Worst thing of all I was not living.  All the things that I loved to do had gone to the back burner.  It was not until my birthday that I kept thinking.  All this and I can't say I am really happy or enjoying my life.

In August, I was forced to re-evaluate my life.  I turned 49. I had been taking on-line classes but now had to be on campus four nights a week.  At work the owner of the establishment told me that I made the choice to be that busy.  He and she both said for that reason I should not complain.  My business was picking up.  One of my mentors told me in these times we have to really carve time out to enjoy life.  Have dinner with friends, go to the movies, spend time writing about my experiences, travel and the last thing she mentioned was meditation.  I can honestly say that I have done all of these things.

Just as my friend predicted when I started I feel much calmer. I take time and breaks for me.  I have learned to say no and not to over commit. It has not been easy.  Self-evaluation is one of the keys of my life. I am grateful to those who support my journey.  I am grateful to the woman who prophesied over me last September.  Most of all I am grateful to God for blessing me with so much.