Reframing expanded

This morning I thought of a post from Pepper Vintage. This is kind of long but give a few minutes to explain.

I was angry going to bed last night. I live at home with my mom, aunt, and son. My aunt is a very negative person and a taker.  My mom is a very passive person and this drives me nuts.  I don't know where I went wrong with my son, well actually looking back I could have done so many things differently. My son has a very unappreciative attitude like most of the children these days. Except he is thirty-five. 

Yesterday began with a 530 a.m. wake up to watch my grandson. It was a wonderful day of smiles and laughter from him. I looked around my son's home and was instantly more proud of him and his wife. I thought how far all of my kids have come from their infancy.  My oldest is a chef and a very good one. My daughter is headed for a great career in forensics and is excited about it all. However, I digress to yesterday. When I got home at six I was hungry and tired. We did not have anything in the refrigerator that I wanted to eat so I took myself to dinner. I got back around eight and immediately went to bed. Thirty minutes into my winding down someone beats on my door like they are the police. It was my uncle Robert bringing me a Christmas present. My uncle, my mom, and aunt thought it was funny. I did not. I went back to bed. By now it is close to ten p.m. and the lights are off and all I can hear is yelling, stomping and banging. I want to say something so badly but don't because I respect my mother. This noise continues until midnight. I cannot sleep with a lot of noise in the house. I do not sleep well anyway. I have sleep apnea and am not using my machine because I lost my cord when I moved here years ago. I am furious when I finally am able to go to sleep. 

I woke up this morning furious. I went to clean the kitchen. Last night there were only a few dishes to be cleaned. I thought okay I have not been here but I will help out. Nope........ this morning it is a disaster area.  Empty food containers and trays with garbage laying on the counter. I wanted coffee first but someone had used both of my personal mugs and left them in the sink. (I never put my mugs in the sink) The coffee pot is dirty. Uggggggggggggggggggg I am furious. I clean my cups make a pot of coffee. This house is so cluttered I am on the verge of throwing it all away. I am so mad I want to eat something, have a stiff drink, punch someone in the face.

I got my breakfast and coffee and went back to my room. I sat and started going through facebook and thought why am I angry? None of this all bothers anyone but me.  Am I crazy? I saw a post that made me think about gratefulness. I began to reframe the whole situation. Yes, some people are inconsiderate and selfish but I do not have to be like that.

My thought process began to change. I have so many other things for which I am truly grateful. God picked me to wake this morning. It was a beautiful morning. It is peaceful in the house and I have time to think study, write and yes clean the kitchen in peace. I am healthy. I have a wonderful profession that I enjoy and jobs that I do not consider work. Yesterday I got to have a wonderful talk with my beautiful daughter in law Jessica. Jessica's parents are wonderful people that are not only family but becoming great friends as well.  I spent the last two days alone with my grandson. Something that I normally do not get to do because I work six days a week.  I was able to cook dinner for my son Metin and daughter in law and help them a little more. I had dinner with friends purely by accident at our favorite spot Texas Roadhouse Spring. I began a new afghan that hopefully will find a good home.

Reframing this situation I can feel the calm return. I am at peace within myself. I am ready for the rest of the day.

What is peace?

What is peace?

Peace to me is not only the quiet but also the feeling that you get when everything is flowing.  I have been struggling with this a bit lately.  I have so much going on that I find myself in a constant state of chaos.  This evening at the beginning of class, the instructor we were with asked if something was wrong. I was stuck. I couldn't even think of an answer. This morning I woke up showered, went to Office Depot, Sally's and Ulta before ten.  I came home and began assembling four final projects for class.  I left early for class as I usually do. However, today we were at the main campus and it looked like rain so I left even earlier. As I left my house the rain began. I wasn't complaining about the rain at all. I had prepared and rain brings me peace. So by the time I saw this instructor, I was out of it again.  I have had this issue off and on for several weeks.  To understand this you should know I am taking two classes for cosmetology instructor, one co-op class, financial accounting and have to prepare a business history for a course substitution. So technically I am preparing five projects for four classes. Before you say that I am crazy, the information for all of them is similar. Nevertheless, making four copies of things and putting them in sheet protectors in separate binders takes time.  I digress and this is why I find it hard to find peace lately.

I read an article several days ago with the steps below.  So I have been challenging myself to find peace in each moment.  It is midnight and one would say I should be sleep and that would give me peace. I find peace in writing.  I want to let others see and hear that they are not alone.  We are all in this together. This is my way of helping myself and others to find solace in the stillness.

Note the words in red are from the article and not my own.

Step 1.

Identify whatever idea you are holding onto that's preventing you from feeling peace right now in this moment - name it. We're not talking about naming your circumstance. We're talking about identifying your BELIEF about your circumstance.

There are several things I can think of immediately that I have a hard time or simply won't get past. One being my living situation. The other is uncertainty about my business and job. Now don't misunderstand I love my profession and I am more than capable.  The leap is what scares me.  Some say if I had faith I would not be so worried.  I have faith.  Trust me.  A faithless person would not want to do what I am doing or the amount that I am doing.  These are my beliefs about the situation.  Just seeing them on paper is shocking.

Step 2.

Become willing to let it go. Make believe you CAN let it go. What would it be like if that belief DIDN'T EXIST? How would you feel without your circumstance and the people involved? What would your life be like without that thought? Who would you be if you were no longer holding onto that limiting belief?

Now.... right now... do you feel a sense of relief? If not, then you have more to let go of!

If I did not believe what I said above I think I would realistically be closer to peace but no totally.  I would still feel the same way about the people involved.  One of them knows what she is doing playing the victim.   The other situation is all about me being insecure about growing my personal business. My life without either thought or reality might be a little more carefree.  If the person didn't exist I would most likely be much calmer.  The business will be there however, the situation won't.  Once I commit to just running my business then I will be fine.  Part of letting go is the acknowledgement. 

Step 3.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Start from Step 1 and do it again with the next thing that's disturbing your sense of well-being. First identify the belief or attitude, and then become willing to let go of that thought that is causing upset. Repeat the first two steps over and over until you feel a release.

This will definitely take time to work through but I will keep at it and post my results.

Step 4.

Check inside again. Can you feel the absence of upset? That's peace. Can you feel a clean, fresh feeling? Take a deep breath of it. That's peace.

Meditation, being out in nature and writing helps bring peace.  These things return my thoughts to the positive and bring back my focus.

What would you be willing to give up to keep this feeling of peace?

I have already given up a great deal.  I do not know if there is more I have to give.  I rarely see friends or family because of my schedule.  I do not have much time when I am not working on school or business related projects. Moving is the biggest thing I think that would help and then I would not be able to watch over my mother.  I really do not want to give that up.

What would you be willing to do to stay peaceful?

At this moment, I would be willing to do almost anything. One exception would be my mom.

If you want to keep the feeling of peace, make a choice not to entertain those upsetting thoughts anymore. Just say, "I've had enough of you."

I have not been saying this specific thought, however I have been separating myself from the issues. I have also been taking more me time just to rejuvenate.

I know what you're thinking, "Paige, This is RIDICULOUS. How will erasing my upsetting thought give me lasting peace? There are still problems in my life! I can't just quit life and sit on a mountaintop! I've got real challenges!"

Yes.  That is how I feel.

The Fine Print

Every time you allow yourself a break from the anxious thinking (it has to be a true break), you rewire your brain and make space for more feelings of calm. This is why I am journaling this activity and placing it out in the universe. Every rest you take is BUILDING UPON THE LAST. I definitely believe this is true. So, you are actually creating forward movement every time you remember to let go. Peace is built one moment at a time. Rome was not built in a day. Today, you might live without your worrisome thoughts once. Tomorrow, you may rest from your anxieties twice. The next day you might practice taking a break four times, and so on. Remembering is always a challenge for me when I am working so hard at everything.

But don't worry about tomorrow or the next day. Just sit for a minute NOW and imagine what it would feel like for your worry to magically disappear... as if you had a magic wand!

Poof?  I believe my time is coming for peace and space to have peace.  My time is definitely coming.

Poof!

Blessings of the day

I was out running errands that I have put off all week. I prayed the whole time I was out for resolve. I don't want anything in particular. I have so much and others have so little. I am seeking guidance on knowing peace. I thought I should go to the Arboretum and be with nature. However, I have a full plate for the day. So I rolled down my windows. Yea I know allergies. While I have been out the very cloudy sky opened up to reveal a beautiful blue. As I parked in front of the house I saw 5 cardinals playing in our front yard. I stopped to enjoy the moment and realized, I can smell spring. God has blessed all of us just by waking us up to see this beautiful day. Yes it may storm later, however there is beauty in a storm as well. I pray you all take a moment to enjoy the day.